Rules I Live By When Shopping

I'm a pretty laid back person, well not really but I pretend to be. But there are just some things that I cannot stand at the grocery store. These rules go out the the jerks I ran into today on a regretful trip to the local Walmart Supercenter.

#1 - The self checkout lane. Unless you have less than 10 items, no coupons, and know what you're doing, stay away from it. I hate it when people take 2 carts up there to self checkout and then I have a pack of batteries and a car load of people waiting in the car. It pisses me off.

#2 - Once you get in your car, MOVE. Especially when it's cold and rainy. Get the car started and give up that spot right in front of the store. There are cars backed up a mile. It is usually the dude in front of me who refuses to move until that car moves. Meanwhile I'm stuck back there having a nervous breakdown. Or I might be the one waiting for you. Depends on my mood and how big a hurry I'm in.

#3 - When walking in the parking lot, get the hell out of the way. Please don't walk right down the middle of the aisle where we all pile up behind you like you're the pace car at the Indy 500. Just move your big ass, and do it without a sneer.

#4 - When driving through a parking lot, especially when you are driving past the front doors, watch what you're doing. Don't pass up a car that is sitting in front of the door while Old Lady Jenkins is loading up her cases of orange pop. Today some ass did that and nearly took my girl out. If I hadn't nearly died I would have kicked the guys ass, I would have gone to jail right before Christmas.

#5 - If you have 2 baskets full of crap, and someone is neck and neck with you, with a box of diapers, let them go first. Don't be a jerk, it's just good manners. I almost got taken out by a dude with 2 Guitar Hero's and an XBox today when I went to pay for my Littlest Pet Shop Wii game. Seriously.

#6 - Don't chit chat with Mary Sue in the baking goods aisle. Move to the side. And when someone tries to come by, don't give them a dirty look, they just want a bag of powdered sugar, not your soul.

I'm sure I have more. I could write a book. But I'm trying to be positive. No really, I am. I'm going to start carrying around a spray water bottle. And when people do this crap, I'm going to spritz them. It worked with my dogs, they see that bottle they stop barking/fighting/running around the house. It also worked with the kids, but don't tell anyone that.