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I'm starting another blog that has nothing to do with my lapband surgery. Please feel free to come over and visit.

http://livingwithmel.blogspot.com/

How to seduce your husband

Tonight we were getting ready to go out, and as usual we argued (playfully) about who keeps who waiting. I told him that if he was ready to go, out the door and waiting for me in the car, I would do things I haven't done since our wedding night. He got ready, got the kids ready, and came in and told me that he was ready to go.

I told him I would go and put a load of laundry in and do the dishes and meet him in the car. ZING!

Then he said "I'll take it". It went from my zing to his that damn fast.

The Chronicles of Nana...It'll do for now

This is our family motto courtesy of my fiesty Nana. This means that whatever we have to do to get something to work, or to get by, we will do. Or we'll do without if we don't like it. This is never a final nor a good solution. A perfect example of this is when my mother used a cattle ramp for a back porch. She needed something high enough to reach the back door of her $100k double wide back when she was smoking crack and thought that it was a good idea to spend $100k on a freaking double wide. Now she lives in a nice custom built ranch, that still needs a few finishing touches. But you know, it'll do for now.

My Nana is the queen of it'll do for now. She is also the duchess of "let's do it ourselves", and her royal highness of "I want to change the house". My Nanas house has been remodeled more often than Joan Rivers face. Nothing is as it was when she and my grandfather put the house out on their farm all those years ago. The house is nice, she has great ideas, but she has a lot of them. Recently, she decided that her kitchen isn't to her liking, so she wanted to remodel it. This requires the entire family to get over there and rig everything up so that it'll do for now. This past weekend, I went over there, and she mentioned that my uncle had rewired the kitchen. The only problem was that in order to use the microwave, you have to turn on the bathroom light. And she wasn't joking.

I would imagine that this weekend we will need to flush the toilet to use the can opener. You just never know with her.

I can't stay home

Today I was gone all day. Most days I'm out and about doing stuff. This past week I have been stuck in the house and I have snacked and grazed all day for 3 days. Today I was out and I completely forgot to eat. I had a grilled chicken wrap for lunch and then tonight realized I hadn't eaten since 2pm.

I have very little restriction, and I am going in a couple of weeks early to get another fill. I would say I'm going on about 50% willpower and I'm no good at willpower. If I was I wouldn't have ever needed the stinkin' surgery. I'm frustrated. At 8 weeks out, I've lost 25lbs. I haven't lost a pound in at least 3 weeks. However, I'm losing inches, and I can tell something is changing because of how my clothes fit. I just want to see something solid. I did see a picture of myself and I definitely saw a change. Which is bizarre because I saw one last week and I looked no different. Maybe it was bad lighting or angles or something. I don't know.

This is certainly slow. And I have been far from perfect. I haven't gone crazy but there are days that I don't do well at all. I struggle with not drinking while eating and I would say that continues to be my biggest challenge. I've gotten stuck twice since I had the band. The first time wasn't that memorable but the secone time. Holy monkey. I've never experienced anything like it, and I hope to never again. It was exactly like you read about, you are sitting there and BOOM a huge bubble of snot fills your mouth. It's nasty and it certainly keeps you honest.

But, I'm sure I'll get to where I need to be. They say it takes about 3 fills if you are lucky to get to the perfect fill. I've had one. And I'm 2 months out so I need to be patient and keep taking it one day at a time. I guess I thought by now I'd be done and would have already lost 100 lbs. I'm ridiculous. I know this. I can't help it.

Todays mission...have fun

After three days in the house with a neurotic, annoying border collie, the kids and I were determined to get out of the house today regardless of ice, snow or alien. We were going to Nanas! We stopped and bought snacks to take to share with the cousins, and off we went. Yeah, I'm the dipwad that drives around with a block of ice on top of my car and gets the snog scared out of her when she stops and it all comes crashing onto the windshield. Later in the day I would get in my car, forgetting my windshield wipers on are and get sprayed with the snow that fell onto the windshield. I'm pretty, but I ain't smart.

It was divine. I sat in the house watching Green Acres, which is just hilarious to me because I know people that show was based on. In fact I'm related to some of them. I heard snowballs hitting Nanas house. Nanas house is older than the dirt it sits on and we try not to throw things at it. I got up long enough to put a stop to that. But only that long.

After a while, Aunt D came home and pulled the kids around the yard on a sled with her John Deere lawnmower that cost more than some people's trailer houses. It was quite a ride and they had a blast. My girl has missed tumbling for two weeks. Last week she was sick and this week the weather interferred. The flip factory had open gym tonight so I took both of them and let them run around like monkey's on crack and get rid of some of that energy. There was a coach there and so they did some serious trampoline time. I just sat back and watched, walked the mall a bit, let Coach Haley have fun with the kids for an hour. While this was going on, Aunt D got her Chrysler stuck in the snow and was doing donuts in the parking lot. I got my Chevy in and out just fine. Then again my Chevy is bigger, stronger and more badass than her Chrysler. I'm just sayin'...

On the way home, after 8pm, I stopped at McD's to get the kids a Happy Meal. I was in a hurry as crazy border collie had been home since 2pm in her little house. I usually never leave her longer than a couple of hours, and I don't dare leave her loose because she will quite literally eat my baseboards. She has some separation anxiety. She's just got problems.

Now my babies are passed out cold. Exhausted and happy because they had a great day. I'm just glad school is back in tomorrow. Mama needs a break!

Shut in log...day 3

School has been out for 3 days now and it looks like no school again tomorrow. We're iced in, shut down and things are getting ugly. I can hear them in the other room plotting. I heard something about ropes and "while she's sleeping". I am sure they have a plan for me, but I cannot begin to prepare myself for what it might be.

They watch me when I walk across the room, gauging my mood or maybe my reaction speed, I can't be sure. They pretend to be building with lego's but what I see could easily be a model, they are obviously much more intelligent than I give them credit for. Oh, they play dumb, act as if all they want is to play on the computer or with their Wii. But they do things to inevitably break me down. Knock on the doors and walls so that the dog will go ballistic and make me jump out of my skin. For this reason I am extremely nervous, as I may be sitting here minding my own business and out of nowhere it sound as if the hounds have been released. I've nearly wet myself twice today alone.

Monday was horrible. I took to my bed, cowering and in tears when the man came home. Yesterday their father was home, they were angels. Again, tactics that make me look as if I'm insane and imagining things. Today is a mixture of good and bad. Obviously trying to keep me off balance. I walked into the room and the whispers stop, their angelic faces look up at me as if to say "what mother? what is it you think we have done?". The occasional "I love you mommy, I really do" is thrown in to make me wonder if I am, indeed, going mad. But then I hear the Legos being dumped onto the hardwood floors, I hear them roll under the couch, something they know makes the veins in my forehead pulsate. I live in fear, I have the phone right beside me, 911 on speed dial. But the ice! What if no one can get to me because of the ice? I can't depend on the dog, the dog is in on it! I'm, done for.

No one believes me, but they will one day. When they find me in the closet, rocking back and forth with my hands over my ears, listening to the dogs bark at the leaves blowing across the yard. Then they'll know, but by then it will be too late. By then, they will have won.

Shut in log...day 4...

ADS?

What's with these ads? I can't figure out where they came from, and I'm not techno savvy enough to know how to get rid of them!

Our pediatrician...we're doing great!

I have nothing new going on with the lapband. So I thought I would bore/entertain/whatever with a story.

I love our pediatrician. From the day our boy was born, we were terrified we were in over our heads (we still are) we would screw up (we have), he would get hurt (he has). Nearly six years later and he is still assuring us that we're "doing great".

When my boy was about 3 months old I guess, I was home alone with him and changing his diaper. I realized when I changed him that his little boom booms had gone missing. I immediately called Dr. W and said "I can't find J's testicles". He said to me "well, that's not good. Put him in a warm bath and see what happens". I hurried in and ran a warm bath and put the baby in there, as I reached down to wash his precious little rump, there they were! I had found them! I called Dr. W, he was right there waiting, I told him "I found J's testicles, they were in a warm bath". Dr. W said to me "that's great, I suspected you would find them there. See, you're doing great!". When I would take the boy for check ups, I would tell Dr. W all about my fears about him. How he seemed to be afraid of things that I felt he shouldn't be. I told him how I worried that his intense nature might be a sign of something more dire. Dr. W just told me "that's J. That's who he is, and he's fine. As he gets older these things will change and he'll become who he is suppose to become. Your job is to find a way to work WITH his little mannerisms. You're doing great!". So I did. I found a way to handle my son, and at the same time avoid changing the things that one day will be to his advantage. My son is one of the coolest kids you'll ever meet. Although he still flips his lid if he see's Kermit the Frog or any other muppet but we're working on it.

My girl is 4 yrs old and she has red hair and an attitude. She recently came down with staph. I took her to Dr. W. He wanted to see her tummy, where the staph was. She didn't want him to see it, and fought me like a little tiger to keep from doing so. I sat there in front of Dr. W, trying to reason with my child while attempting to pull up her sweater at the same time. I was very patient. Even when she popped me three times upside my head I maintained my cool. I told Dr. W that I was trying to be patient but I really, truly, wanted to pick her up and throw her across the room. He said that I was more patient than he would be. After he diagnosed her and told me what to do, I told him that I was having a bit of a problem with my girl. Everyday is something of a fight. It might be hair brushing, it might be getting dressed, it might be over a can of soup. The kid fights me on everything. Once again Dr.W told me "this is S. This is her personality, she is stubborn and she is determined. In 20 years this will be good, you need to find a way to work with her. Show her patience and she will learn patience. The last thing you want to do is teach this one aggression". Then he said to me "you're doing great!" And he was right! I figured out that my girl needs to do things herself. She puts her medicine on herself, she bathes herself, she needs to do it herself. Once I figured it out, things started flowing a little smoother around here.

Smoother is good. I would say we are indeed, doing great.

The man

The man went to the doctor for a physical back in December because he wasn't looking or feeling so hot. His blood pressure was up, some of his bloodwork came back iffy and he was just a mess. Fast forward, THROUGH Christmas, and he goes back for a follow up yesterday. He had lost 9lbs, his blood pressure was perfect as was his bloodwork.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that he is doing better, but seriously? He loses 9lbs by just eating more vegetables and I have surgery and lose 5? Come on! What is the deal with that? I hate it, my dad is the same way, he can cut out one thing from his diet and drop like 20lbs in a week. It's so frustrating.

The man is a very, very laid back person. I've always thought it was cool how nothing ever really got to him. But since he started taking medicine for his blood pressure, he seems to have lost his ability to be cool.

He flies off the handle at the slightest thing. He actually nearly had a breakdown because the dogs were looking at him. He claims they always look at him, as if they want something and it drives him nuts. He also hates it when stuff falls. If he drops something the blood vessels in his forehead start to pulsate and his ears turn red. He reminds me of Yosemite Sam when he gets like this. I'm not making fun of him, I'm just sayin'...

Now, we discussed his recent change in personality, and I acknowledged that I am probably 99.9% of his problem because I'm sort of a pain in the ass. I mean I'm fun, I have my moments, but for the most part I'm a pain in the ass. I know this, and I know that he is a saint for putting up with me coming up on 9 years this March. Some things will change as I lose weight, I'll be happier so I won't be as bitchy. But I have to be honest here, I'm pretty set in my ways when it comes to certain things that seem to drive him up the wall. I WANT to change these things, but I don't see it happening if I'm being realistic. Because I can promise myself and him that I will be less of a pain until the cows come home and I will likely still be so, I encouraged him to try and manage his reactions to me rather than try to change me. I mean I have done that with his little things he does. However, I'm afraid that the only thing that will help him deal with my little things, might be medication.

But I am going to work on being aware of things that seem to get his chain rattled. None of these things are big things, just hitting the laundry basket, turning off lights when I leave a room, not erasing things from the DVR before he watches it or changing his recordings when he's at work. I will also be careful when I unwrap a piece of gum to not just toss it anywhere, and I will try to remember to put things back where I got them. I will not use his towel as a floor towel right before he takes a shower thus leaving him standing wet without a towel, I will not use his brush and leave it where the dog can get it. I will try not to leave the keys in the front door and then shut it and lock it so that when he comes home the house is locked with the keys in the door. I will also try to keep the dogs from looking at him. I have very little control over that last one, but it seems to be a big one for him. I'll try. That's all I can do.

Seriously, he lives in a frat house over here. God bless em'...

Losing major inches

I weighed this morning, and the scale is showing nothing. However, I am now able to pull my smallest size jeans on and off without unbuttoning or unzipping them. My bras are huge and falling off of my shoulder, my boots are loose, and my shirts are hanging off of me. So what's the deal? I don't care if I weigh 500lbs as long as I can wear a size 10 kwim? Well and as long as I'm healthy. But still it would be nice to see something concrete like the scale moving.

I can totally feel my fill now. I get full so fast! I eat very little and I have no cravings at all, I literally eat when I remember. I went to lunch yesterday and barely got down half of my lunch before I felt it. I eat extremely slow, and I pay close attention to that first sensation of fullness. I would say that a normal meal would make about 2 or 3 (maybe more!) meals for me. Today I am a bundle of energy. I'm still dealing with the sinuses and the sore throat but there is nothing I can do but take a decongestant. I smell cigarette smoke all the time, even though there is none to be found. It's annoying.

My baby girl has a staph infection, and I'm a nervous mother. It's nothing major, but in these days of superbugs and MRSA, I'm not taking it lightly. She's not a medicine taker, so I'm having to sneak the antibiotics into various foods to get them down her. She's a strong girl. Yesterday my sister the nurse, my other sister and I all worked together to get this medicine down her. None of us are small women, and we're a strong people, but quite frankly she kicked our asses. She not only didn't get a drop down her, it was in her hair, our hair, the floor, etc. She's tiny but she's a badass. I've been tricking her by putting it in sherbet. So far so good, although she was slightly suspicious when I offered her sherbet for breakfast. Wish me luck on tonights dose.

We are also buying a new house. Which means we'll have two mortgages, which means we're total idiots. But, we're idiots who are living in a house that was fine when only two idiots lived in it, but now that we've had two kids and we somehow ended up with three dogs, we're a little bit crowded. Seriously, if you saw how crowded you would pass out. I'm ready to just get it done and get moved. I feel very claustrophobic in here. So wish me luck with that as well.

It's always something here at casa de' Mel.

Better today

Last night I went to dinner with some out of town relatives (free dinner!) and I noticed my fill big time. I didn't eat half of it and I was full as a tick. It was pretty much the first time I had eaten all day. Today I haven't eaten anything really, and I can't think of anything I want. But I do have a little bit of an empty tummy hiccup thing going on.

I'm still thrilled to have the band. My jeans fall down to my hips when I suck in my tummy, it's crazy. I can also tell my arms and legs are thinner as well as my face. I'm not sure about numbers, at the doctor last week I had lost 3lbs, I'm figuring around 25-27lbs. I'm trying not to weigh that often because the scale doesn't tell me as much as my clothes and my body tell me.

Having a hard time

I'm having a bit of a hard time. I'm hungry, I'm sure it's PMS related, but I'm definitely hungry. I'm trying to concentrate on eating slowly and waiting to see if I'm full, but I'm not. I feel like I need to eat something with substance, but I can't think of what. Meanwhile I'm nibbling here and there and I don't feel like that's a good thing.

I'm feeling very bloated and gross and sad, my fingers look like sausages today. Again, it could be PMS but still. I really thought that a fill would make all the difference. This process sometimes seems to take forever. I am also having a huge problem with not drinking water with my meals. It's kicking my butt. Again, psychological. I swear I feel like I'm going to die of thirst.

I cannot breath because I'm stuffed up. My throat and my ears hurt and I swear that I smell cigarette smoke constantly. I'm not anywhere near it, and no one else can smell it but I can and it's so strong that it makes my eyes water and burn. It's really getting to me for some reason. Just not a good day today.

Filled for 2 days now

Honestly, it's not that much of a difference. I think I have 4.5cc in a 14cc band. Like I said, the day of surgery I wasn't restricted but I was still too nervous to eat so I went to about week 3. Broth, liquids, etc. Yesterday I went to lunch with my friend and I ordered quesadillas. I took the chicken out of the tortilla and I ate it in small bites with the relish (carrots, onions, jalapenos). I only the filling out of 2 of the little triangles with some of the sour cream. I hated to do that because I usually eat low fat or fat free sour cream but hey, there it was. So basically I ate half of it, and I shared it with my daughter and then took the rest home. I could tell I got full faster, but I ate so slow and carefully that I was exhausted by the end of the meal. That little bit of food took me longer than it took my friend to finish her entire meal. For dinner last night I had some chicken salad. And that was pretty much it yesterday. Oh, I sucked on a fake Nutter Butter at my Nanas. I seriously took like 15 minutes to gnaw on that thing.

Today I had a scrambled egg and one sausage link for breakfast, and then for dinner tonight I'm not sure what I'm having. I'm really not hungry at all but I'm going to eat because if I don't I won't lose. So I'm not eating the same, but I would say it's 75% my own doing rather than the band. I know that as time goes by and I get more restriction I'll notice it more. I'm ok with it. I'm still so happy that I have this thing.

The other day I was driving and there was a commercial on the radio about lapband surgery. I smiled and thought to myself "I have that!"

I'm filled?

I went in this morning for my first fill. I didn't eat anything because I wasn't sure what to expect and I wasn't given any instructions. My appt. was at 11am. The whole thing took less than 5 minutes. I layed on my back, with my arms over my head, then he had me do a little bit of a stomach crunch and immediately found my port. Then he stuck this itty bitty needle in to numb things, I didn't feel the prick, but I felt the sting just a tiny bit. Maybe for 2 seconds. After that he put the saline in, and I was done. I got a band-aid, and drank some water and I was out the door. I mean it was easier than having blood drawn and less invasive than a finger prick.

I'm not restricted to liquids or anything. Afterwards we went to a restaurant and I had minestrone, minus the veggies, just the broth. I don't really notice much of a difference right now. I can definitely feel when I get full. I'm having so much trouble not having water with my meals. It's the worst part of the whole thing. I'm not sore at all, and there didn't seem to be any sort of repercussions of the throwing up.

So I go back in 6 weeks. I guess I had a 14cc band that was put in with 1cc of saline. Today I have 4.5cc's. I have no idea what any of that means but there it is.

I can't believe I was so afraid! I really think that my doctor is just amazing, that has to be why this whole thing has been so easy physically. Psychologically it's a roller coaster but as far as the physical stuff, it's a piece of cake.

I need a fill

I can't wait for Tuesday. I feel like I'm on a ledge with no rope over here. I'm not overdoing it, but it's by sheer will, and I'm also not making the best choices when I do eat. It's really hard to not go back to the old ways and go for it. My thoughts have gone from "ah, you're getting a fill in two days, have what you want one last time". That's pretty much saying eat what you want and start your diet tomorrow. I've done that for 30 stinkin' years.

I just need a fill. I sound like a junkie. That's nice.

Happy New Year!

I was asleep at midnight. I'm a loser, I can't help it. The man and I went to dinner with some friends. I had 2 glasses of wine, and I was pretty loosey goosey by the time we left the restaurant. Then we went to the casino, which to tell you the truth I really just hate. It was so stinky and smokey and crowded. I didn't win anything as usual. I didn't lose anything either. I played Royal Reels, the only one I ever play. I limited myself to $20, and I managed to get it back and cashed out. I'm not a high roller, if I lose I get really bitchy and mean. I also don't like to see other people win, I'm bad like that. I'm not proud of it but there it is. The man however, took my $20 voucher and lost $10 of it which made me want to blow the place up as we drove away. I despise the casinos.

The thing about the casino is...there are some funky people in there. We have Indian casinos, not Vegas casinos. Around here there is one on every corner. There's no glitz and glamour, it's in the middle of Oklahoma, so it's not like there was anything really cool to see. But the people there are just weird. Some of them have little voodoo things to bring them luck, some of them watch every single machine around them, looking to see what's going on. I get it, I sat there hitting that button, and saying to myself, "this next pull it's gonna hit, I'm gonna win big". All the lights and the bells and whistles, it's very intoxicating. Then you look over to your right and you see some dude so convinced his next pull was gonna hit that he has managed to pee all over himself in order to avoid giving up his machine. That's just so...sad. I would make fun of them, but it's really not that far off from my relationship with food. Or how it was.

This last bite of chips will be my last. If I go ahead and finish up this chocolate then there won't be any tomorrow and I can quit then. I can't not go to dinner, it would be rude not to eat with everyone, and try to keep up with the people with speedy metabolisms who can eat like a horse and stay thin. That was the one that always got me. That was my one beer. I stood in the lobby while the man had the valet bring the car around, and I people watched. Which I love to do. There were all sorts. There were limos, party buses, and just carloads of people like us. It was fun, but I'm really a homebody at heart. So we went and picked the kids up at my mother in laws. They were all clean and spiffy in their pj's. We came home and we were all asleep right before midnight. I heard fireworks as my eyes opened and closed, my head pounding from just three glasses of wine. I woke up at some point in the middle of the night, and I thought about how I am usually so sad when the holiday season is over. And I thought about how I'm not sad this year, because this next year is going to be amazing.

Happy New Year!