Loooong update

It's been a while since I posted, things have been pretty boring. We went on vacation a couple of weeks ago, and to be honest, eating was a chore. We went to lunch at this place and I had some chicken. It was a very dry chicken, and it didn't sit well with me. I had spent my meal watching what I believed to be a hooker and a less than desirable looking gentlemen. He left, I assumed to go to the ATM, and I was waiting for him to come back. The chicken was coming up whether I saw the hooker leave or not, so I headed for the bathroom. When I came back they were gone. Don't ask me why I care, I'm a freakshow. I do believe that the band has naturally relaxed a little bit. I cancelled my fill last week because I feel like I'm in a good place. Some days I do fine, but then there are days that aren't so fine. Today was one of those.

I went to lunch today at Red Lobster. I had about half of my salad, and then I had six pretty small shrimp scampi's and six pretty small breaded shrimps and a baked potato. By small, I mean about 2/3 the size of your pinky. So it wasn't as if there was a ton of food there. But when you consider that I struggle with half of a burger, it was like gorging myself at a seafood festival. I didn't drink anything at all, (I have made that mistake in the past just because I was dying of thirst and it pretty much came right back up)but as I sat there, full as a tick, I had a feeling. I held my napkin in front of me, but then I knew that it was going to get ugly. Do not read further if you are weak stomached.

I went to the bathroom and the saliva was pouring. Then it was pretty much a free for all. It didn't hurt at all, but it wasn't fun. It was all my fault, and I wanted to kick my own butt, but that's pretty much impossible. I waited too long to eat, I was really hungry and I ate too fast, and too much.

I'm losing weight, I think I'm at about 35 lbs but to be honest the inches are just really coming off. I have to remember to eat, or else I don't lose at all. One day I think I had a banana and some oatmeal all day and I actually gained 2 lbs. It's weird. I'm weird. The whole thing is weird.

Things that are a problem for me: bread of any kind, tortillas, some pastas, french fries (THANK GOODNESS), cake is definitely a no go. Even birthday cake. It sticks like spackle. Brownies, cookies, etc.

Things that I wish were a problem because they go down waaaay to easily: movie popcorn, cheetos, my beloved chocolate. I just like plain old Hershey chocolate, and I sort of just suck on it until it melts away. Ice cream, which I've never been a big fan of. But once you've had a taste of chocolate mojito, there's no going back.

Things that I tend to eat regularly: bananas, oatmeal, cream of wheat, cottage cheese, cheese with turkey on very thin veggie crackers, soup (my beloved tomato soup), rice, chicken that has been cooked in the crockpot (it makes it so tender and easy to eat), some pastas, if they are cooked the right way. I also have mashed or baked potatos, beans, shrimp, salad. Nothing that is considered "roughage" bothers me at all. I love any and all veggies. I crave fruit. I love fruit. I'll have thinly sliced cheese and apples, grapes, bananas, plums, peaches. When we were on vacation we hit the deli for some fruits and cheeses and had them in our hotel room. The kids were digging it so now our fridge is stocked up!

I also keep those Special K bars in my purse just in case and I try to keep OJ around in case I get shaky. I still drink water with lime, and tons of it. I also have iced tea, unsweetened of course. We went to a movie this past weekend and I had a few drinks of a diet coke. Honestly, there was not a single side effect, but I've really lost the taste for soda. It's just sort of icky to me. Yea! I don't even drink juice, except for OJ.

I've been taking those vitamins from GNC and my hair isn't falling out as much. Also, my hair looks better than it has in years right now. It's very soft, and bouncy. It had looked so bad for so long. I don't think I'm getting enough protein in my diet, and I do think that my weight loss could be more substantial if I balanced my meals better and added that protein. I'm sort of sustaining on fruit and carbs. Not so good.

Emotionally, all is well. I've had no regrets whatsoever about the band. I look forward to more weight loss, and feeling better and better every day.

Supplements

I went to GNC yesterday and got a stronger daily vitamin and some Biotin. It might not work with the hair thing, but it can't hurt. My hair really only seems to come out when I shower. And it actually seems to look better, more shiny and bouncy. I sort of think my image of the amount of hair coming out is like my image of the rat I once saw in my garage. That rat looked to be the size of a St. Bernard puppy when it ran from me. When it was dead it was about 1/4 that size. My husband said it's not much more than I usually shed.

I fully admit to not eating enough, but I eat what I can. Yesterday I had some grits for breakfast and then some soup and crackers for lunch. I had to go and take an exam, and then I stopped at Target to see if they had any portable DVD players for our trip next week. About halfway through my time there, I started to get weak, sweaty, dizzy. I went and got some protein bars and got out of there. I honestly thought I might not make it to the car. I sat in the car and ate one of the bars, and drank some water. I finally got some strength and was able to get home. I guess my blood sugar was down. I didn't eat anything for dinner, but I wasn't hungry.

So I just have to remind myself to eat something every few hours if I'm not going to be able to eat meals. I run around a lot, so it's not uncommon for me to just forget to eat, especially when I don't get hungry!

My hair!

OK, so I knew it could happen. But today when I took a shower, and washed my hair, and pulled out handfulls I was still a little bit thrown. Right now it looks like someone shaved a bear in my bathtub. Fortunately I have a ton of hair, and once I dried it, it's not falling out. I'm rushing to GNC to get some biotin and some protein supplements.

I am losing weight. However, I'm barely eating. It's hard for me to believe that I'm full after a spoonful of mashed potatos and about an oz of roast. Forget bread, that ain't happenin'. I can tell you that the pain is excrutiating if the food gets stuck, and it is absolutely essential that I take the tiniest of bites and chew them until the food just disappears before I can swallow it.

Last week I went to the doctor because my back is out. I had gone about 10 days earlier and in that time I had lost 6lbs. I got a shot of cortisol and some other meds and that night I thought I was going to die. I can't remember what I ate, but it was something that didn't agree with me. I threw up, but then I had the worst pain you can imagine. I'm pretty sure it was gas, but I can't imagine something as simple as gas can cause that much pain! My poor husband was patting me on the back, and burping me! Excuse my frankness, but I was blowing it out both ends. This is not something I would normally do around my husband, and I think he was just happy to know I'm capable of it.

I needed to walk around, but my back was out and I was put on bedrest, so I was torn between staying in bed and walking around. Eventually the gas pain won over the back pain and I walked my back yard. Finally, I took the pain meds that the doctor gave me, and I finally passed out from sheer exhaustion. I was sore as heck the next day, and felt like I had been hit by a truck. I've had a couple of instances this past week where things got stuck. I went on fluids and soup for a couple of days in order to let my tummy settle down.

I would say that the band is too tight, but I'm pretty sure that it's simply me not following directions like I should. Old habits are hard to break I suppose. But I'm working on it.

I'm melting!

OK, I had strep throat and I was sick last week. But today I woke up and I've lost 10lbs since last week. To be honest, I have wondered if my band is too tight. But I am leaning towards thinking that it is where it is suppose to be and I just didn't expect so much restriction. I'm eating enough, I'm not hungry all the time, but I definitely get hungry when I haven't eaten in a few hours. I cannot eat certain things that I had heard were difficult to eat. Bread has it's moments, but it's not worth trying. I have no desire to drink with meals, in fact it is nearly impossible to do so. I did throw up twice last week, but I am almost sure it was because I was sick and I was taking the antibiotics on an empty stomach. I got stuck on a triscuit come to think of it. Triscuits are a definite no no. Chicken is easy for me to eat, I've heard some have had problems. Cookies, chips, etc. No go. Thank goodness because I heard that those are sometimes "slider" foods. Not for me. My birthday was Monday and I had a couple of tiny bites of my birthday cake but I started to feel like I was getting stuck. I'm definitely getting use to it.

Today I am going to lunch with my sister since I wasn't up for it on Monday. Going out to lunch, dinner, etc. is just not my thing now, and I use to love to do that, sit around and goof and laugh. Now it's just not something that I look forward to. I'm sure it will be fun because my sister is as fun as a hole in your pocket but the eating part is just uncomfortable. I feel so full that I can't breath after eating just a couple of bites.

So, the good news is that after nearly 3 months of not budging, I feel like I am literally melting over here. I'm dropping weight daily. It was worth it. I'm so motivated right now that it's ridiculous!

I'm so full

I'm one week out, and while the band is certainly tighter, it seems to be relaxing a little bit. The first few days it was almost too tight! I'm eating small amounts, several times a day. For example, if I were to have a sandwhich, I would eat it in quarters over the course of a couple of hours. Food gets stuck very easily so I have to be very careful to chew chew chew. Getting stuck is positively miserable! I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, there was a girl I knew about 10 years ago that I would like to see go through it but aside from her.

I went to lunch with my sister, and I have found that eating out is so much cheaper. I always order a kids meal, and I always bring at least half of it home. My family is not liking it because I have no desire to cook because I'm never really hungry.

I'm having problems not sleeping at night though. I don't think it has anything to do with the band, it's just something that is happening and it's wearing me out. I can't imagine what things will be like on the 3rd fill. I'm weighing tomorrow, since it will be one week since the fill. Here's to hoping.

Second Fill!

Today I went in for my second fill on my band. The first time I couldn't really tell anything, but this time it's very, very obvious. I took a drink after he filled it and I felt it stop, and then slowly trickle down. It's going down faster now, but it is insane how full I got at dinner!

The kids and I went with my mom and Nana to have Chinese. I ate 2 little slivers of broccoli beef, no broccoli. I had 1 little piece of some sort of chicken that wasn't breaded and 2 of those green beans. I love those. Oh and I had about 3 bites of rice. I was so full I felt miserable. This is what I have been waiting for! This is perfect.

When I weighed today at the docs I had only lost 3 lbs since my last appt. To be honest, I half expected to have gained. I feel very swollen and bloated and gross. But I wore some jeans from the back of my closet today that I haven't worn in a very long time. They were a little loose on me even. Whoo hoo!

I feel rejuvenated now after feeling a little down. So, on we go!

Very frustrated!

I'm not losing weight. I've had the one fill back on Jan. 6th. I called the doctor because I didn't want to wait 6 weeks, and I had an appt yesterday. Unfortunately I got horribly sick on Monday night and couldn't get the fill. I didn't eat for 2 days and I didn't lose so much as an ounce. I'm going to buy new scales tomorrow because either my body is alien-like or my scale is broken. This is a little bit ridiculous. I hope I didn't go through all this for nothing. I keep telling myself it's only been a couple of months, but I feel like something should be happening.

When I got sick the other night it was worse than you can imagine. It hurt so bad, nothing came up, it was violent and painful. I had fever so I shook constantly. I woke up the next morning so sore in my stomach and my back that I could barely move. Throwing up with the band is so bad.

But when I called the doctor to reschedule, the nurse got on the phone and told me to come in and let them empty my band. I cannot count how many times I told her that there was nothing to take out. I was no longer throwing up or even nauseous at that point and I was an hour away. My kids were both sick with the same virus and I wasn't going to get them out. She got all over my case and asked me if I was really going to just blatantly ignore the doctors orders. I'm not happy with her, in fact if it weren't for my complete trust in my doctor, I would not put up with his staff in general. It just added to my frustration.

I have found myself back sliding at times. Not in major ways, I'm not by any means doing things that I did before, but I'm still struggling with some things. Tonight I had a hotdog with my husband (it's a long story on my other blog)and I mean after one of those I was stuffed like a turkey! So I definitely have restriction, but not like I need to start losing. I go in next week for fill #2 and I'm just going to try and stay positive and move forward!